Queen, warrioress, priestess, lover
Last week I visited 3 seminars: first was a lecture about learning from the past for a better future from druid priest Karel Gržan, second was the talk at the opening of an exhibition about archaeological site of medieval Gutenwerd and third a lecture about freemasonry in Slovenia in 19. century. All were wonderful and thought provoking. Listening to all of it also rose questions in me: where were women in all of that? Of course, as always, when answering these questions to myself, I empower women, so my answer was: they were always there, doing whatever they were always doing, it just wasn’t their time to be in the light. Did they need to be in the light? They were, quietly shining in their own, or in each other’s light, far from men. Gržan said, first we should forgive men, then continue with our work. So I asked myself: do I still need to forgive? To my father, my grandfathers, and their fathers and so on? Probably a little bit still, yes. But I already have, a lot, with love too. He said: “You know, in Slovenia baba was a name for a wise woman, a woman with knowledge and experience about life, she was revered and people were coming for advice to her. Today it is offensive to call a woman baba, because sometime along the way, someone decided to take away her wisdom and give baba an adjective of crazy and foolish: ‘baba trapasta’ or ‘nora baba’.” Wow! How much power can be taken away by just calling a wise woman a mad woman. Well today is the day when I am giving back the power to the word baba. I decide on its meaning and it means – starting now: A wise woman, an experienced woman, a noble woman by heart, a queen, a warrioress, a priestess, a lover who had made love and loved many men. And so it is.
My grandmother always said: “Baba obrn ključ,” when the smoke from the fire was blowing in your face and if you wanted to change its direction, you used those words. It translates to:”Wise woman, turn the key.” I still think about that sentence often, because I believe it is hiding more meaning that is currently being revealed to me. I will continue researching this meaning until I found a wholesome, wholly – holy meaning to it. Words carry much more than we think and I keep reminding myself that. My women lineage comes from free thinkers and old religion women. I am so proud of that.
I was never allowed to moan the lawn, chop or cut wood, and things like that. It was in my family’s system, I am not strong enough for doing it as a woman, or not clever enough. I was allowed to sweep the floor though. Not being allowed was translated (by me) to ‘you are not good enough’. It was deep, so deep that I decided to visit technical gymnasium and a manly technical university for civil engineering and geodesy. To prove myself as being able to do manly work and be manly. Few years ago I also bought myself a chainsaw, that I now use to prepare wood for firing kiln for producing ceramics. I cried when I got it, for allowing myself to do what I want.
I met a super interesting lady last year. She wrote me if we could meet for a cup of coffee. That rarely happens, so I went to meet her. She was visiting Slovenia, coming from UK, where she now lives and works. She was born in USA, but her grandmother was Slovenian, so she was hoping to get to know our – her culture for the first time. She was a healer, a accupressurist, but a different kind. She also used names and visualisations of places from nature, like energy point from real location and related them to energy points in the body, looking for correlations. This is how I can describe her work, or how I understood it. She wanted to meet me, since she heard and saw what I do with energy points and locations from all around Slovenia and how I use that clay to produce ceramics that resonate those locations. We met and we both instantly knew we are speaking the same language, reading same books, listening to similar music. I pointed her to more locations that I find interesting to visit, and she pointed me to new authors and writers. I gave her a suggestion about an old Slovenian ritual song Dajbogec, performed by Zvezdana Novaković (my singing teacher) and she gave me names of books about Mary Magdalene. We met again the following week and had tea in my studio, she bought some pieces and I gifted her an oil lamp, inspired by Illyrian ceramics. That summer I read four books about Mary Magdalene.
Like with baba, Mary Magdalene was also turned from apostle of the apostles to a prostitute. It was only in 2016 that she was formally identified as ‘Apostle to the Apostles’, their equal by the Vatican. Today I change her name from whore to an expression of pure female consciousness, a goddess. In one of the books, the one I cried the most when reading it, it was mentioned that she came from a royal bloodline, educated in all sciences, music, psychologies, art and spirituality that was taught int the great school of Egyptian mysteries: The mysteries of Isis.
I am slowly changing my perspective and beliefs what it means to be a woman. I am finding inspiration in noble queens, warrioresses, holy women and lovers. As I am absorbing and discovering new knowledge and knowing, it is natural for me to embody en express this through my ceramics. This is how Magdalena tea cup was created.
At the end of that week, I am not joking, someone called me ‘baba’. In a good way, I double checked.